Sunday, February 14, 2010

i tried to do handstands for you

this video made my heart smile today

so it's valentine's day. and i have nothing cynical to say.

well okay. i've been at dana's since passing out here on friday night post-self love cabaret madness. and saturday slayed me with a killer hangover. 

and now it's sunday. dana made me a breakfast sandwich and was chatting with her roommate as they cooked. 'my valentine is almost here', referring to a cross-province hitch hikin lover. 

valentine. made me sorta squirmy. not dana having a sweetheart, but the word i guess. like putting scrambled eggs in your pocket. 

this song makes me think of all the times before the let down. the 'i-think-i'm-crushing' but you're actually more than crushing and blushing and you can't admit it to yourself yet because once you do any little let down is like a tiny stinging dagger deflating the hope of something new. some new feeling. some new person. the gushy.

i catch myself these days. i do handstands for myself only. which is definitely not without its vim and whimsy. but remove the risk and its just jumping around in a field. i love jumping around in a field. but i'm missing the handstands a lil bitty.

and not because its valentine's day. but maybe because it's just the time of year i wanna chase shadows and feelings. and napkins and knowing glances. and floorboards just worn enough for dancing. and mood lighting. and crusty bartenders. and spills on new shirts. and sloppy goodbyes. and being young when i feel old.

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