Wednesday, November 17, 2010

dear blog

i miss you. 


editing a newspaper sorta sucks all of my creativity. not sucks. but, requires. i have neglected you AND my lovely pen pals.

but, as i get ready to catch another lovely tfs film screening, i will give you a little somethin somethin.

violence. there's been a lot of hate on the streets of peterborough lately. and i've been seriously challenging myself to talk about it more. its hard to explain, but it's different. in my brain, its just different. the hate i get when im alone. its most always connect to my disability. not my gender, not my queerness. but my face. and its hard to negotiate a way to reach out to friends, my community hate that really can't be 'explained'.

my friends ask... 'what happened?!!'

and i'm...sorta at a loss. usually i laugh and say it doesn't matter. trivializing the actual event in know way 'deals with it' for me. but it avoids feeling vulnerable the way i usually do when it happens.

but...what happened?

i can't help but getting all kristieva on this one. i represent the abject, for a lot of people. one time, i was alone on an elevator in the charlotte towers (i hate that place.) and when the doors opened, the young man on the other side waiting for the elevator shrieked. 


he immediately apologized and got flustered. i can't remember if he took the elevator with me or not. but i just wanted to run. and vomit. but mostly run.

that was an extreme case, but they're all kinda like that. yelling, gasping, or laughing. which is how we deal with trauma. its hard feeling like a trauma for humans. 

and its hard telling you about it because i don't know how to explain it really. are these people assholes? i can't really say. because there's so many. and if you didn't know me, maybe you'd scream. maybe i would.

this might take my whole life to figure out. or maybe, it's self righteous to think i ever will. 


  1. why aren't there any comments yet?
    I think you kick ass and I prefer your ads to those of that boring American Apparel girls.
    At least not all people are proud of being brainwashed by the media. I like it when people stand up for their opinion if it differs from others.

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  3. I love this blog too and I just added it to my blogroll.

  4. Consider me a disabled comrade...a fiesty crip chick who knits. i have a button that reads "I knit so I don't kill people"
    Your American Apparel spoof was sent to me by a U.S friend (Im in Scotland)and I gasped "that lassie looks like me". Scoliosis to the 30degree

  5. Yay for internet, it took me a little diggin' to find out how to contact you and those this blog is not updated regularly, I'm hoping you'll catch this post.
    We've met a few times at the only, and I have been seeing the AmericanAble ads popping up around Toronto. Which is what ultimately gave me the idea to contact you. I am working on my thesis for Ryerson right now and would like to maybe meet up for a coffee and a little Jes brain picking. My thesis is regarding fashion and the disabled, however, for the purposes of creating a specific line, I am creating a spring/summer collection for women with achondroplasia and other similar dwarfisms. I hope to continue this line of work of more fashionable, but functional clothing for disabled youth.
    Anyhoo, hopefully you'll get to read this and hopefully I peaked your interest! You or any of your fans can get a hold of me through gmail. wakefield.whitney


  6. To the person who wrote about fashion for women with dwarfism...THANK YOU THANK YOU and if you post back here I would love to get your email address. I can't tell you how angry the fashion world makes me with their obsession with tallness (a "petite" model is five foot six, almost a foot taller than me). I have felt so much hatred from others due to my height that for a long time I wouldn't leave the house without painful (and totally NOT MY STYLE) six inch heels. No surprise, I still got plenty hate, as well as nosy questions about my shoes. I appreciate SO MUCH what you are doing. Jes, you are amazing as well.